Happy New Year

Just wanted to take a moment and wish everyone a Happy New Year. Although I typically dont make resolutions and put much into the potential of a new year, 2007 has been pretty tough with Addison getting sick last spring and my illness since the end of September. On thing I see in the Dr's office is a sign that states that Cancer can't take away your hope so, with that said, I am hopeful for a healthy 2008 for everyone. I'm not sure if people tell me cancer stories because of my condition or because there are just SO many of them. Hopefully, my children will get a shot to prevent cancer so they do not experience this crap (although I have already made the concession to go through this so they dont have to but there is no one with any paperwork to back that up and never will be.......).

Next week is the final week of chemo treatment. Deep down, I have a lot of excitement about that but know there will be 14+ days that really suck before it's done. The past 9 weeks have not gone quickly and I anticipate the final 3 to be tough.

Thank you again to everyone that reads this and thinks about me and the family. We appreciate all that everyone has done as we would not have been able to get through this without your support.

Here's to a happy and Healthy 2008.

Sam


Sam Williams

Day 53

Well, I left the house at 740am to head into the office for the first time in a while. It was snowing pretty hard and it took me just over an hour to go the 11 miles. Pretty typical of everyones drive today. By the time I got into the office I was exhausted. We are on the 2nd floor of a 2 story building and the stairs, cold and drive made me sit down for a minute before getting started. I had a 10am meeting and 1130 call on the calendar and was able to get through both of those before heading home. I left the office just before 1 and was able to make it home in 45 minutes and was able to take a solid nap from 2-3pm. I have a pretty good headache going and am drinking as much as I can to stay hydrated. I plan on working tomorrow for as long as I can and feel good about next week, although you never know.

I did hear that Ross Smith, former president of Security Title passed away. Although I didn't know him well, he treated me like we were old friends and I had to ask some people who knew him well if it was genuine. They said that is exactley who he is and it's such a rare trait. I'm not sure when his cancer was diagonised and I know it was pretty bad. I was told that he was aware of his family being with him and that is a good thought.

I'm still struggling with food as I can't find many things that dont upset my stomach. Apple sauce and yogart have been good but I get tired of it. I had Miso soup and sesame tofu yesterday and it was okay and I ended up taking the nausea medicine after eating just a little. The next time I really enjoy eating something will seem like the first time as it all tastes like crap. There are times when it feels like nothing is going on and then all of the sudden, I will have stomach problems or burp or feel sick and it just feels so random. I just want to know when I will feel NORMAL? Will it take all of February or March or will this linger for months? I will ask Reznick as he can give me a guide and I am really clear that everyone is very different.

I think I will be eating a lot when I feel better and it starts to taste good again.
Sam Williams

Day 52

I would like to apologize to everyone for the time between posts. The end of last week, including spending both Saturday and Sunday at Centennial Hospital ER for fluids (planned ahead)were exhausting and it ran right into the holidays and a Monday appointment with Reznick. Jennifer was extremely sick and ended up in the ER on Wednesday and it took her the whole week to feel better.It was another rough weekend and even though the days are passing, it's pretty tough. With this past weekend, it was also hard because of the holidays and it being "the most wonderful time of the year" and wanting to participate even though I was not feeling well. The best part was the snow on Christmas day as there was no reason for us to go anywhere or do anything other then spend the day together.


Many of you called, emailed or sent your thoughts and we truly appreciate it. The girls received many nice things from a lot of people and I can't thank you enough for thinking of them. Although we do our best to keep the spirits up around here, there are times when it's hard, as it was last week, and the constant support is great. It's still hard to talk with people on the phone as it's usually an emotional conversation and with the holiday's, it's been impossible. I just can't talk about it anymore and most people want to ask about it. Although it's probably hard for you, it's much better for me not to have conversations about what is going on. If I can do a better job with the blog, I will as that will keep everyone informed. Although the extra fluid did help at the end of the chemo week, all the other things are a little stronger than they were in the 2nd cycle which was a little tougher than the first. Eating seems impossible as nothing is working.

I have been having pain in my left heal and it's caused me to start walking on the ball of my foot. It's worse in the morning and last for a few hours before starting to back off. I talked with Reznick on Monday and it's not something he is concerned with except for my physical pain. It's something that I should take otc pain relief for to help. At this point, my foot looks like skin and bones as do my legs as they are pretty thin. All of my clothes are loose and my shoes are fitting differently now. On Monday, I got the Neulesta shot so I should anticipate a crappy Saturday afternoon-Sunday morning as the past 2 cycles have been pretty painful. It's not the aching pain on Thursday-Saturday that is bad, it's the end of the whole thing where I have had a lot of sharp direct pain. As you can tell, the whole Chemo/Treatment thing is not pleasant from start to finish and these are just some of the little things we deal with.

I am back to the office tomorrow and looking forward to it. It's tough to find that balance of being a cancer patient and having a normal life. I realize that in the scheme of things, 12 weeks is nothing but when you are in the middle of it, it feels endless.

Day 44

Today was a very busy one for the Rocky Mountain cancer center. The 6 seats were full and they had 2 people getting treatment on the side. I was there at 950am and left at 310pm. I usually do not sleep but was able to for a few hours and it really helped pass the time. Its a little strange when you open your eyes (i had a hat over my eyes) as there were 4 new people there. I am not sure about the extra fluid yet as it doesn't "really" suck until Thursday and Friday. The first couple days leave you tired and worn out and the end of the week is where it knocks me out. I have driven myself to treatment this week as Jennifer is very sick. In the 11 years I have known her i've never seen her have it this bad. She is getting better but it's slow. Don't be surprised if I call you for a ride this week as I'm not sure it's good for me to drive the rest of the week. Dont forget, i blew through the garage door on Wed of chemo week # 1.

I've been told not to eat  sweet, sugar filled things and at the Dr office, there must be 10 or 12 tins, boxs and bags of goodies. Not that I expect people to show up with the Cancer Diet of "B.R.A.T." Which stands for banana's, rice, apple sauce and toast but doesn't that sound harmful? I'm not sending a bottle of gin to the AA or cupcakes to weightwatchers.

Reznick stopped by to see me today and said the scans looked good and we will discuss on Friday when I have an office visit. I didn't let on that his nurse has already let me ready the report.

Since I was unhappy with blockbusters online dvd rentals and cancelled the service, I am watching James Bond during treatment. As you know, the Ultimate Bond collection represents 95 percent of my dvd's so there is a lot to choose from. Yesterday i watched Goldfinger, which is my favorite. There are a few scenes where VW bugs are driving in the background and I love to see those old bugs.  Today, I followed it up with Thunderball, which I like except for the name. Everything about the movie is good including the villans, locations, women and gadgets but the name never struck me. Probably to late to do anything about it.

It's kind of strange as the hair on my head is slowly growing. I have some very light stubble which surprises me.  Not sure if/when it will fall out or, i will shave by the time I go back to the office. Do you know they have a razor made just for your head? I saw it at Walmart but did not buy it.

Anyway, although there are 40 days left untul the end of the 4th cycle, i feel like it's really less than that. If I start to feel okay onday 14 or 15 of the cycle, that means there are really 33 or 34 days left. That is how I am looking at it although the cumlitative effects might be rougher after the 4th course.

I had a post the other day that referenced Greg. I was very emotional and only a few people saw it before I took it down. Greg is a friend of a friend and he found out he has cancer a week after my treatment started. Please check out his web page and send him some good vibes.

Thanks for listening to me. I cant stress enough haw nice it is to get all the calls, cards and emails. As I have mentioned before, it's really hard to talk with people as it's really easy for me to get emotional and have a hard time talking. I'm sure most of us will have time to catch up when you take me golfing or to an Avs playoff game or something else this spring or summer.

Sam





Sam Williams

Day 43 and scan

I am sitting in chemo and currently the only one here. Although I was scheduled to come in at 1pm, they called around 830am and asked that I come in as early as possible. I'm on the last bag that is only extra hydration and I have about an hour to go. I'm more than willing to get through this last hour as I believe it will really help me.

Yesterday marked the half way point of the treatment and I had a ton to say. I really wanted to get on the computer and talk with everyone as this whole experience has been unbelievable in both good and bad ways. Obviously, i never made it and, depending on how I feel this week, will try and catch up later. Jen went to see the Dr this morning and she has Strep throat and she was down most of Sunday and today. I drove to treatment today and will get myself home and am lucky that it is early in the week and I can do this. By thursday or friday, I would not be able to make the drive. Last time i drove on a thursday, i busted through the garage door. I'm going to stop and get Jen prescription on the way home and hope she will be better soon.

I have not had the chance to see Reznick today so I asked the Nurse (i will not name her so she does not get in trouble) about my scans and she pulled the paperwork. She told me that Reznick will go over it with me on Friday. Although I am not an M.D., I was able to see that the node has shrunk to 8mm x 9mm and is back to normal size and the lung scan noted that the sizes of the tumors are much smaller although still present. One of the made measured 1.1 cm and it was now down to 4mm. I believe this is good news and will know more when I talk with Reznick on Friday.

At one point I stopped acknowledging how many days are left and now, since the number is less than the current day, it seems important again.

41 days to go.....


Sam Williams

Day 38 and Greg

Right now, I am feeling about 85%. I'd like to say the percentage is higher but I am aware of some things that are still night right. Jennifer and I were talking and I told her my head was clear and then proceeded to tell her a story where she needed to go back and ask me a bunch of questions. By the questions she was asking, it was clear to me that I had not done a good job of explaining the situation. Although it's exciting to be at 85%, it's like getting close to the top of the mountain and knowing you are going to get knocked down. 6 Weeks from now, I will be really excited as I know that when I recover from the 4th cycle, that is it.

I had an office visit with Reznick yesterday and it was good because he added almost a liter of extra fluid to each day's chemo with the hope of avoiding the dehydration and some of the other side affects. As we have discussed, the treatment needs tweaking and I hope this adjustment will make it easier. (I know, I know.... most of you think I am soft already and just a big crybaby....) During the visit Reznick said I need to get in for blood work and CT scans of my pelvic area and lungs. He also asked if I ever followed up with Dr. Forester, the breathing Dr and I told him I had not as it's been really busy in the office and I had some things to take care of. He, as the Dr, very clearly said that my health is also important and not to neglect these appointments. Trust me, I understand the importance of the medical stuff and it's really hard as I only have a couple of productive days at work (which is big to me for many reasons most importantly their support for of my condition and treatment schedule) and I want to maximize that time. He didn't really go for it and had his office schedule the scans and they were only able to get me in on Friday at 11:45am. It's not terrible as the total time for the scans should only be about ½ hour. It's just tough as there is little flow to the time I am at the office and I feel as though I am missing so much. The good news is that Reznick told me his expectation of the scans and that would be to see the Lymph node back to the normal size of 1cm and very little evidence of the 11 lung tumors. He feels this way because of the past blood work and the tumor markers. Of course, I hope he is correct as he stated that we would be having a different conversation if they are still as prevalent as they were at the time of the first scan. Having a pelvic scan means another bottle of the awful white paste drink known as contrast. This time they gave me one apple flavored bottle and I am okay with that as my first scan required that I drink 2 bottles.


http://www.gregliptak.com/


I hate to be the guy who stands on a soap box and yells to all of you so I will say this as a friend: Please get in for a check up and do not ignore the signs your body sends. The longer you wait.....

Sam

Day 36

It's the beginning of the 6th week and there are 6 weeks remaining. I am back in Chemo next week and hope that this one will be a little different than the past 2 treatment weeks. At this point, I plan on going Monday through Friday for treatment and then on Saturday and Sunday for hydration. That, hopefully, should help me as the weekend following treatment I have struggled to drink enough. It's hard to explain the taste of water as the poison ruins everything. It's been 10 days since the last treatment and things still do not taste right. I tried to drink some Gatorade one day and it tasted the way lotion smells. It's just brutal as you need to drink and eat and it is a struggle to get food down.

I've had a real hard time talking about this lately and you have probably noticed the lack of posts. Although I have a lot to say, It's really hard for me to transfer it to words on the blog. As I said before, I will do the best I can to let everyone know what is going.

Thanks again for checking in and thinking about us.

Sam

Day 33

I have worked some over the past 2 days and expect to be back at work again today for a while. As I am learning, the effect of the treatment is hitting everything and I am not feeling great. I'm still having a hard time sleeping, staying hydrated, eating, seeing, etc. I cant say that anything about how I feel right now is normal and it really affects everything to do with my body. My chest is pretty sore right now from the Neulasta shot and I expect that to slow down this weekend.

Anyway, I am plugging through and hoping next week will be better.

Sam

Day 30.1

I am back at the Dr office for more liquid. It's been a pretty decent day as I've eaten lunch for the first time in a week. I was able to get on my work computer and catch up as I expect to be back in the office tomorrow. I will be happy if I can work the next 8 days before the next chemo week. It makes things seem "normal" although i am experiencing not having any hair and that is interesting. i ended up shaving it because there were so spots where there was no hair and others where there was a little so i just tried to clean it up. Of course, like all of this, there is no consistency and some spots seem to still grow while others are not. I might need to google "shaving your head" as it probably has some good tips.


Sam Williams
Mercury Transaction Services
303-779-7887

Day 30

I had a coupke Dr appointments yesterday and was only able to keep my 1140 with Reznick as he did not let me leave his office because I was dehydrated. After our visit, he put me in a chair and gave me 3 liters of liquids which took over 4 hours. I need to go back today for more as I have not been getting enough even though i try to drink as much as i can, i am still falliing way short.

He thinks the best thing for me to try after the next chemo week is to go in on Sat and Sun and get saline to lift my hydragation. We will try it next time as it can only help.

i was weighed yesterday and I am down 20 from my first office visit. That was beforer 4 hours of iv liquids and i am sure that added a few back on.

I expect to work tomorrow and look forward to it. it will be a cery welcome change to my current routine.

As always, i want to thank everyone for the calls, cards, emails, etc and appreciate that you understand when i'm not feeling up to talking or writing.


Sam Williams
Mercury Transaction Services
303-779-7887

Day 28

Had a short visit with Heather as I just didnt have the energy. Although this weekend has been tough, it is not as bad as the first cycle, I am just really tired.

Sorry for the lack of communication on the blog. It's not been much of a priority the past few days and I know some of you check it frequently. I will do my best to keep up with it as it's felt like a little bit of a burden.

Sam



Sam Williams
Mercury Transaction Services
303-779-7887

Hello from Heather

With having many visits to Colorado under my belt, this one was very different. I came without David or Evan to see Sam, and get a feel for myself about what his treatment is like and how he is doing. I worked myself up this week about what I would find when I get here and was pleasantly surprised.

Sam, still looks like Sam..better then I expected given the circumstances. He has lost his hair and he is definitely feeling the fatigue of the treatment and the drugs. It was a strange reality to find the difference between the up-beat blog postings and what I have found. When Sam says's he had a different day and rested, that could actually mean that he did not have the energy or the strength to do anything, not that he was just taking it easy. In that regard the blog although it is the first thing I check when I turn on my computer in the morning and the last thing I check at the end of the day, may be tinged with a lighter version of how he is feeling. My interpretation of the last few posting's were that he was just "taking it easy,"not so much out of need as want and it is in fact the opposite.

I went with Sam to Chemo and was touched by the caring staff and how they banter with him as all of us do. After talking to Jen, I got a better picture of that too. In that, I mean that they are consist ant in their attitude and mood which leaves a lot of room for the patients to be..however they are that day, good, bad, grumpy or quiet. They do not take it personally. I can honestly say that after seeing this I am grateful to them for taking such great care of both Sam and Jen during this time.

I am also touched by both Sam and Jen strength. I am happy to know that Mom and Steve are so close and can help with the girls so much and that Jen also has such great support from her family during this challenging time when we are so far away and can do so little to help.

On a bright note, I am going to go spend the day with Mom, Addison and Briley ~ something I rarely get to do. I am sorry Evan and David are not here to be with them too as Evan gets so excited to see Briley and he has not got to spend much time with Addy, next time!

Thank you all for your constant support of Sam and Jen, it means the world to me too!

With much love,

Heather